who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
