I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize