you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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