just tell him i said nine months
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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