do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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