clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
