Even water is tasting like jack daniels
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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