I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
