My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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