we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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