So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
