Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
