I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
