a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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