I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
