Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
