Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
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