Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
