yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
