how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
