You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
