I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
