It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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