i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
