Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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