We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize