At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Everything about him screamed your future.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
