I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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