shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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