Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Panties = found
Randomize
