I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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