When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
