either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also, beer. Big fan.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
