i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
