Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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