you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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