Is it because I queefed?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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