Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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