There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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