i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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