plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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