I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
