wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
