3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize