Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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