Who did Billy Mays play for?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
