Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
