this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
