no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
