I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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