Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You are the jesus of drinking
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
