I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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