I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize