just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
this is an emotional support booty call
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
