How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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