is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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