Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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