you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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