he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
