she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
