you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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