ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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