I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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