Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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