i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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