i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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