I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
