You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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