how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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