Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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