I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
